Top 10 Greatest Movie Rants
#10 - Blake, GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS [1992]
Blake, GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS [1992] Image

"You see this watch? You see this watch? . . . That watch costs more than your car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here, close. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, leave."

#09 - Mike, SWINGERS [1996]
Mike, SWINGERS [1996] Image

"We're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this party and then leaving cause it sucks, then we're gonna look for this other party you heard about. But, Trent, all the parties and bars, they all suck. I spend half the night trying to talk to some girl whose eyes are darting around to see if there's someone else she should be talking to . . . Half of them are nasty skanks who wouldn't be shit if they weren't surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. I'm not gonna be one of those assholes. It's fucking depressing. Some skank who isn't half the woman my girlfriend is is gonna front me? It makes me want to puke."

#08 - Will Hunting, GOOD WILL HUNTING [1997]
Will Hunting, GOOD WILL HUNTING [1997] Image

"Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at NSA. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself because I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and 1,500 people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are saying, 'Send in the marines to secure the area' because they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, getting shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called because they were pulling a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie taking shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, because he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at 250 a gallon. And naturally they're taking their sweet time bringing the oil back and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long until he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks because the shrapnel in his ass is giving him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starving because every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're serving is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holding out for something better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."

#07 - Jim Young, BOILER ROOM [2000]
Jim Young, BOILER ROOM [2000] Image

"Okay, here's the deal, I'm not here to waste your time. Okay, I certainly hope you're not here to waste mine, so I'm gonna keep this short. Become an employee of this firm, you will make your first million within three years. Okay, I'm gonna repeat that, you will make a million dollars, within three years of your first day of employment at J.T. Marlin. There's no question as to whether you become a millionaire working here. The only question is, how many times over. You think I'm joking . . . I am not joking. I am a millionaire. It's a weird thing to hear, right? Let me tell ya, it's a weird thing to say: I am a fucking millionaire. And guess how old I am . . . 27, you know what that makes me here? A fucking senior citizen. This firm is entirely comprised of people your age, not mine. Lucky for me, I happen to be very fuckin' good at my job or I'd be out of one. You guys are the new blood. You are the future swinging dicks of this firm. Now you all look money hungry and that's good. Anybody who tells you that money is the root of all evil, doesn't fucking have any. They say money can't buy happiness. Look at the fucking smile on my face! Ear to ear baby! You want details, fine. I drive a Ferrari 355 Cabriolet . . . I have a ridiculous house at the South Fork. I have every toy you could possibly imagine. And best of all, I am liquid. So now you know what's possible, let me tell you what's required. You are required to work your fucking ass off at this firm. We want winners here, not pikers. A piker walks at the bell. A Piker asks how much vacation time you get in the first year. Vacation time? People come to work at this firm for one reason, to become filthy rich, that's it. We're not here to make friends, we're not saving the fucking manatees here guys. You want vacation time, go teach third grade at a public school."

#06 - Monty Brogan, 25TH HOUR [2002]
Monty Brogan, 25TH HOUR [2002] Image

"Well, fuck you, too. Fuck me, fuck you, fuck this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gekko wannabe motherfuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. Twenty to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take five steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended 137 years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin' Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fuel fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass! Fuck Jacob Elinsky, whining malcontent. Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass. Fuck Naturelle Riviera, I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back, sold me up the river, fucking bitch. Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar sipping on club sodas, selling whisky to firemen, cheering the Bronx bombers. Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row-houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue, from the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split-levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it, let the fires rage, let it burn to fucking ash and then let the waters rise and submerge this whole rat-infested place . . . No. No, fuck you, Montgomery Brogan. You had it all, and you threw it away, you dumb fuck!"

#05 - Travis Bickle, TAXI DRIVER [1976]
Travis Bickle, TAXI DRIVER [1976] Image

"Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up."

#04 - Neal Page, PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES [1987]
Neal Page, PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES [1987]  Image

"You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking, cheeks! Then you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat! . . . And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"

#03 - Arthur Kirkland, ...AND JUSTICE FOR ALL [1979]
Arthur Kirkland, ...AND JUSTICE FOR ALL [1979] Image

"That man is guilty! That man, there, that man is a slime! He is a SLIME! If he's allowed to go free, then something really wrong is going on here! . . . You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order! That man, that sick, crazy, depraved man, raped and beat that woman there, and he'd like to do it again! It's just a show! It's a show! It's 'Let's Make A Deal'! 'Let's Make A Deal'! Hey Frank, you wanna make a deal? I got an insane judge who likes to beat the shit out of women! What do you want to give me Frank, three weeks' probation? . . . You, you sonofabitch, you! You're supposed to STAND for somethin'! You're supposed to protect people! But instead you rape and murder them! . . . You killed McCullough! You killed him! Hold it! Hold it! I just completed my opening statement!"

#02 - Bluto, ANIMAL HOUSE [1978]
Bluto, ANIMAL HOUSE [1978] Image

"Over? Did you say 'over'? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! . . . And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough . . . the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go! . . . What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? 'Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble.' Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer . . . LET'S DO IT!"

#01 - Howard Beale, NETWORK [1976]
 Howard Beale, NETWORK [1976] Image

"Listen to me! Television is not the truth. Television’s a goddamn amusement park. Television is a circus, a carnival, a traveling troupe of acrobats, storytellers, dancers, singers, jugglers, sideshow freaks, lion tamers and football players. We’re in the boredom-killing business. So if you want the truth, go to God. Go to your gurus. Go to yourselves, because that’s the only place you’re going to find any real truth. But, man, you’re never gonna get any truth from us. We’ll tell you anything you wanna hear. We lie like hell. We’ll tell you that Kojak always gets the killer and that nobody ever gets cancer at Archie Bunker’s house. And no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don’t worry. Just look at your watch. At the end of the hour, he’s gonna win. We’ll tell you any shit you want to hear. We deal in illusions, man. None of it is true! But you people sit there day after day, night after night, all ages, colors, creeds. We’re all you know. You’re beginning to believe the illusions we’re spinning here. You’re beginning to think that the tube is reality and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you. You dress like the tube. You eat like the tube. You raise your children like the tube. You even think like the tube. This is mass madness you maniacs! In God’s name you people are the real thing, WE are the illusion!"

User Comments - Add a Comment
Teabag - 2008-04-01 01:28:58
Why Glengarry Glen Ross is at 10 I will never understand. Much better than the rest of that list. At worst top 4.
Ron - 2008-04-01 07:52:52
Fallon - Judgment Night (1994) "Shut the fuck up. You speak when fucking spoken to, okay. This is not fucking high school, motherfucker. I'll eat your fucking friends for fucking lunch. You know who we are? You got no fucking idea, do you? No. Jerks like you sail through life, reading about people like me in the newspaper. HEY! You're in a different place now, motherfucker! $ 100,000 might buy you out of North Shore. Here, that means shit. This is my fucking world."
KA - 2008-04-03 11:26:29
I am partial to the diner scene in Chasing Amy when Silent Bob speaks. It's great because we finally hear him speak and he just goes off.
JD - 2008-04-16 16:28:31
Not the greatest movie in the world but worth the quote: Swimming With Sharks - Kevin Spacey As Buddy You think you know it all, don't you? You're 25 years old. You're a baby. You don't know shit. Look, I can appreciate this. I was young too, I felt just like you. Hated authority, hated all my bosses, thought they were full of shit. Look, it's like they say, if you're not a rebel by the age of 20, you got no heart, but if you haven't turned establishment by 30, you've got no brains. Because there are no story-book romances, no fairy-tale endings. So before you run out and change the world, ask yourself, "What do you really want?"
I drink your milkshake - 2008-04-16 16:31:15
No milkshake speech from There Will Be Blood? Come on.
Scott - 2008-04-16 16:35:12
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
Eric - 2008-04-16 16:42:37
The entirety of Howard Beale's lines should be on here.
agginline86 - 2008-04-16 17:03:02
every conversation from the movie Alpha Dog should be in this list somewhere.
Kevin - 2008-04-16 17:25:43
glengarry glen ross should be number 2, if not number 1..this is a joke since the bioler room rant at number 7 is obviously a cheap rip off of the glengarry speech.also what about sam kinison vietnam speech in back to school?
I am jacks Bitter Disappointment - 2008-04-16 17:42:12
No Tyler Durden... your not your fucking khaki's? Jesus effin Christ..
Kevin K - 2008-04-16 17:57:21
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women.
kthnx1 - 2008-04-16 19:44:33
(shouting, and holding a gun) Has the whole world gone crazy!? Am I the only one here who gives a shit about the rules!? Mark it zero! You think I'm fucking around? (cocks gun) Mark it zero!
O - 2008-04-16 21:02:47
Best Rant Ever --- Michael Clayton by Arthur Edens --- Michael. Dear Michael. Of course it's you, who else could they send, who else could be trusted? I... I know it's a long way and you're ready to go to work... all I'm saying is just wait, just... just wait and please just hear me out because this is not an episode, relapse, fuck-up, it's... I'm begging you Michael. I'm begging you. Try to make believe this is not just madness because this is not just madness. Two weeks ago I came out of the building ok, I'm running across 6th avenue there's a car waiting, I've got exactly 38 minutes to get to the airport and I'm dictating. There's this panicked associate sprinting along beside me, scribbling in a notepad, and suddenly she starts screaming, and I realize we're standing in the middle of the street, the light's changed, there's this wall of traffic, serious traffic speeding towards us, and I... I freeze, I can't move, and I'm suddenly consumed with the overwhelming sensation that I'm covered in some sort of film. It's in my hair, my face... it's like a glaze... a coating, and... at first I thought, oh my god, I know what this is, this is some sort of amniotic - embryonic - fluid. I'm drenched in afterbirth, I've breached the chrysalis, I've been reborn. But then the traffic, the stampede, the cars, the trucks, the horns, the screaming and I'm thinking no-no-no, reset, this is not rebirth, this is some kind of giddy illusion of renewal that happens in the final moment before death. And then I realize no-no-no, this is completely wrong because I look back at the building and I had the most stunning moment of clarity. I... I... I realized Michael, that I had emerged not from the doors of Kenner, Bach, and Odeen, not through the portals of our vast and powerful law firm, but from the asshole of an organism who's sole function is to excrete the... the... the poison, the ammo, the defoliant necessary for other, larger, more powerful organisms to destroy the miracle of humanity. And that I had been coated in this patina of shit for the best part of my life. The stench of it and the sting of it would in all likelihood take the rest of my life to undue. And you know what I did? I took a deep cleansing breath and I put that notion aside. I tabled it. I said to myself as clear as this may be, as potent a feeling as this is, as true a thing as I believe I witnessed today, it must wait. It must stand the test of time, and Michael, the time is now.
A - 2008-04-16 21:21:44
"Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."
Just Jay - 2008-04-16 21:59:20
I agree with most of these commenters and most of the list... but I have one omission. How about Dennis Hopper's monologue to Christopher Walken in True Romance about the Sicilian bloodline?
Captain Obvious - 2008-04-16 23:12:30
Jules, _Pulp Fiction_: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
Eric - 2008-04-17 07:57:58
Scent of a Woman? Al Pacino's scene at the end where he tears the schools administration a new one? Come onnnnnn
Mark - 2008-04-17 08:03:56
Chevy Chase - Vacation I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well, I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation! It's a quest! It's a quest for fun. I'm going to have fun and you're going to have fun. We're all going to have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. You'll be whistling zippity-doo-dah out of your assholes! I have to be crazy. I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!
Badger - 2008-04-17 10:44:04
Don't know if it is a rant but one of the best speeches evar in a movie. Alec Baldwin- Malice I have an M.D. from Harvard, I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery, I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't suffer acute neural trauma from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, _Dennis_, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you're looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.
GrimPickle - 2008-04-17 16:43:05
How could a list like this not include the end rant from "How to Get Ahead in Advertising." Sheer brilliance, and better than anything on this list.
Alonzo - 2008-05-10 16:57:43
No this list doesnt have Training Day's Detective Alonzo Harris' speech from the end of the movie. That wsa the best of all time
Anonymous - 2008-07-01 13:42:54
What you need in that list is a Samuel L. Jackson Rant ,whichever that guy really knows!! SAY WHAT AGAIN!!!
KesheR - 2008-07-09 05:29:18
Man, I really like some rant quotes in a film. WHAT ABOUT Joe Pesci in Goodfellas? "What do ya mean, funny? Let me understand this cause, I don't know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh... I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?"
Corvmatt - 2008-07-18 18:28:14
Devil's Advocate, Al Pacino "... Guilt is like a bag of fucking bricks. All you gotta is set it down... Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway? God? Is that it? God? Well I tell you. Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift and then what does he do? I swear, for his own amusement, his own private cosmic gag reel he sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch but don't taste. Taste but don't swallow. And while you're jumping on one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughing his sick fucking ass off. He's a tightass. He's a sadist. He's an absentee-landlord! Worship that? Never!"
Kaiser Sosay - 2008-11-07 10:16:40

Kaisers rant at the end of the usual suspects is classic. So was the watch scene in pulp fiction. "I carried this watch up my ass...." So was dennis hoppers trailer scene in true romance, right before he got killed.

Tyler - 2008-11-07 14:39:39

Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

Shawn - 2008-11-08 07:02:23

Charlie Chaplin at the end of Great Dictator is probably the greatest rant that is actually very important to real life and and almost black listed him forever.

Lloyd Dobler - 2008-11-08 07:32:39

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that." - Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything

Rick from Mass. - 2008-11-08 08:00:30

Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation ranting about how he wants his boss for a Christmas present because he stiffed them on their bonus. (I don't know the rant word for word, but it's hysterical)Ends with: Holy Shit, where's the Tylenol?

Matt the King - 2008-11-08 09:54:10

Don't forget Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation rant: "Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"

Laura - 2008-11-08 10:12:48

It's all about the Christmas Vacation rant: "Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here...with a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit...where's the Tylenol?" Classic

tank167 - 2008-11-08 13:56:07

Any of aaron eckhart's lines from thank you for smoking are sheer cinema genius.

Miles - 2008-11-08 20:43:06

Glengarry Glen Ross should not be number 10... Ben Affleck over Alec Baldwin? That just makes the rest of your list suspect now. Maybe you got the order wrong?

K - 2008-11-08 21:49:38

From "1776": JOHN ADAMS (William Daniels): I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a congress. And, by God, I have had this Congress. For ten years now, King George and his Parliament have gulled, cullied and diddled these colonies with their illegal taxes. Stamp acts, Townsend acts, sugar acts, tea acts! And whenever we've tried to stand up as men he has seized our ships, blockaded our ports, burned our towns and spilled our blood. And still, this Congress refuses my proposals on independence, even so much as the courtesy of open debate! Good God, what in Hell are you waiting for?! CONGRESS: (singing) Sit down, John! Sit down, John! For God sakes, John, sit down!

wvuphan - 2008-11-08 23:21:35

Where is Resivoir Dogs, some of the best rants in movie history are in that movie. Plus it's one of my favorite movies of all time.

Ron - 2008-11-09 03:16:06

What about my boy Llyod Dobler from Say Anything???

T. Donges - 2008-11-09 15:40:36

Word to the Trainspotting rant. ...because who needs reasons when you've got heroin?

Hunt - 2008-11-09 19:26:23

There are several good ones from Layer Cake, the opening sequence about how profitable drugs are and the one about the "Layer Cake"... Always remember that one day all this drug monkey business will be legal. They won't leave it to people like me... not when they finally figure out how much money is to be made - not millions, fucking billions. Recreational drugs PLC - giving the people what they want... Good times today, Stupor tomorrow. But this is now, so until prohibition ends make hay whilst the sun shines. You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake son.

SouthernFriedWriter.com - 2008-11-09 21:58:28

SEATS, Ladies and Gentlemen. You are forgetting: Jessep: You want answers? Kaffee: I want the truth! Jessep: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Seamou - 2008-11-10 09:24:19

No "You need people like me" from Scarface? Hmmm...

Jeebus - 2008-11-10 16:42:41

How come Jay and Silent Bob don't make the list? I mean "You are the ones who are the ball lickers," in Mooby's has to be one of the best rants of all time. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.

KSolo - 2008-11-17 15:16:56

"every conversation from the movie Alpha Dog should be in this list somewhere." Wow please crawl under a rock and die.

Dustin - 2008-12-22 03:08:53

Jack Nicholson in The Witches of Eastwick. His rant on women, after entering the the chapel much to the surprise of the congregation, while they're performing voodoo on him is fantastic.

The Narrator - 2008-12-25 04:21:52

I dont care what anyone says. Tyler Durden in Fight Club easily puts any of those rants to shame. Ohh and as for the alpha dog douche. Shut up, go pop in you latest justin timberlake mix, and go fuck yourself. Any movie with that joke of a human being in it deserves to be outlawed.

Mr. B. - 2008-12-30 19:37:42

Ummm...HELLO??? True Romance!?!?!? "You know I read a lot. Especially things that have to do with history. I find that shit fascinating. In fact, I don't know if you know this or not, Sicilians were spawned by niggers." "It's a fact. Sicilians have nigger blood pumpin' through their hearts. If you don't believe me, look it up. You see, hundreds and hundreds of years ago the Moors conquered Sicily. And Moors are niggers. Way back then, Sicilians were like the wops in northern Italy. Blond hair, blue eyes. But, once the Moors moved in there, they changed the whole country. They did so much fuckin' with the Sicilian women, they changed the blood-line for ever, from blond hair and blue eyes to black hair and dark skin. I find it absolutely amazing to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, Sicilians still carry that nigger gene. I'm just quotin' history. It's a fact. It's written. Your ancestors were niggers. Your great, great, great, great, great-grandmother was fucked by a nigger, and had a half-nigger kid. That is a fact. Now tell me, am I lyin'?"

foned - 2009-01-01 12:16:01

how does american history x not make this list? no fight club?

notnotlickingtoads - 2009-01-04 17:24:07

Dennis Hopper-"You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet from a fucking gun, fucker!" etc. from Blue Velvet.

Jack Frost - 2009-01-05 03:04:44

How about Vineyard's rant from American History X at the dinner table?

matthew - 2009-01-07 17:56:28

Trainspotting one is my favorite Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?

porkpie - 2009-01-07 21:59:49

When boy, when are you gonna get yer act together?

I am Jacks Overrated Ass - 2009-01-15 11:49:44

Shut up about Fight Club that movie is so fucking dumb. It doesn't make sense. I thought it was the shit when I was like 13 because I didn't understand what they were saying and just accepted all movies with guys fighting, swearing, beating the shit out of each other as "awesome", but then I saw it again and realized what a steaming pile of crap it is. What a piece of shit.

bob212 - 2009-01-15 17:08:33

Definitely should have had Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation rant.

anonymous - 2009-01-16 06:30:10

No Scent Of A Woman? "...No, I'm just gettin' warmed up. I don't know who went to this place, William Howard Taft, William Jennings Bryan, William Tell -- whoever. Their spirit is dead -- if they ever had one -- it's gone. You're building a rat ship here. A vessel for sea goin' snitches. And if you think your preparing these minnows for manhood you better think again. Because I say you are killing the very spirit this institution proclaims it instills! What a sham. What kind of a show are you guys puttin' on here today. I mean, the only class in this act is sittin' next to me. And I'm here to tell ya this boy's soul is intact. It's non-negotiable. You know how I know? Someone here -- and I'm not gonna say who -- offered to buy it. Only Charlie here wasn't sellin'...."

babu - 2009-01-17 10:43:04

[Michael Corleone] IN MY HOME! IN MY BEDROOM! Where my wife sleeps... and my children play with their toys.

Amanda - 2009-01-17 13:57:07

Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.

Cecil Z - 2009-01-17 15:03:12

Jensen: You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it!! Is that clear?! You think you've merely stopped a business deal. That is not the case. The Arabs have taken billions of dollars out of this country, and now they must put it back! It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity! It is ecological balance! You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multinational dominion of dollars. Petro-dollars, electro-dollars, multi-dollars, reichmarks, rins, rubles, pounds, and shekels. It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today! And YOU have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and YOU WILL ATONE! Am I getting through to you, Mr. Beale? You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen and howl about America and democracy. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM and ITT and AT&T and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today. What do you think the Russians talk about in their councils of state -- Karl Marx? They get out their linear programming charts, statistical decision theories, min and max solutions, and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments, just like we do. We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies, Mr. Beale. The world is a college of corporations, inexorably determined by the immutable bylaws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale. It has been since man crawled out of the slime. And our children will live, Mr. Beale, to see that perfect world in which there's no war or famine, oppression or brutality -- one vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock, all necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused. And I have chosen you, Mr. Beale, to preach this evangel. Beale: But why me? Jensen: Because you're on television, dummy. Sixty million people watch you every night of the week, Monday through Friday. Beale: I have seen the face of God. Jensen: You just might be right, Mr. Beale.

ant - 2009-01-17 18:00:22

i don't give a fuck about what all your opinions are on someone elses opinion page.... write your on god damn blog or shut the hell up ALL OF YOU

Truth - 2009-01-18 15:27:13

That's funny, I was just thinking the same about you, Ant. Odd how you don't give a shit about people's opinions, but by that same token, you feel it necessary to inform people of your own. What, do you think you're somehow special? Do you think people on the Internet give a bastard fuck about you or your opinion? I bet you're a fifteen year old adolescent cunt sitting on your Mom's computer chair, in front of your Mom's computer, in your Mom's basement, in your Mom's house, with a bowl of Alphagetti's sitting half crusted on the table next to you, randomly trolling the Internet. I'll tell you something kid, I wish most of our generations mothers had held their water and drowned pricks like you while you were doggy paddling in the womb, you fucking peasant.

notyerpirate - 2009-01-18 20:24:59

Me? I'd be very, very careful who I talked to about that. Someone dangerous wrote that...someone who might snap at any moment, stalking from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 Carbine-gas semiautomatic weapon, bitterly pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years... somebody very, very close to you. Or, maybe you shouldn't bring me every little piece of trash you happen to pick up.

Alenodo - 2009-02-15 23:24:55

Lt. Colonel Frank Slade from Scent of a Woman must be in this list

mkg - 2009-03-02 10:50:03

Witches of Eatwick

Big E - 2009-03-03 21:10:11

Strother Martin; Up In Smoke...

Ben Rhys - 2009-03-27 19:11:02

How about the "I'm mad as hell" speech from The Network?

gestault - 2009-03-28 00:34:28

Scent of a Woman has been mentioned but no one mentions the opening speech in "Patton"...the first 3 minutes are ingrained in the head of every person that ever saw that...

Steph - 2009-05-05 06:12:27

What about David Thewlis in Mike Leigh's Naked? That'd be my number 1.

Brad - 2009-05-05 07:32:16

What about the rant of Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men"? Denis Leary in Demolition Man?

zeronumber - 2009-05-05 07:51:11

Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi in "Ed Wood"- My dear Professor Strowski... twenty years ago I was banned from my homeland. I was classed as a madman, a charlatan. Outlawed in the world of science... which previously honoured me as a genius. Now here... in this forsaken jungle hell... I have proven that I am all right! Home? I have no home. Hunted. Despised. Living like an animal. The jungle is my home. But I shall show the world... that I can be its master! I shall perfect my own race of people... a race of atomic supermen... that will conquer the world! [Sinister Laughter]

MSUwino - 2009-05-05 07:53:37

A Few Good Men "Son, we live in a world that has walls and those walls need to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and curse the Marines; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use then as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."

Larry Santoro - 2009-05-05 08:14:20

How about another NETWORK rant. Here's Arthur Jensen (Ned Beatty) bringing the word to Howard Beale: You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it! Is that clear? You think you've merely stopped a business deal. That is not the case! The Arabs have taken billions of dollars out of this country, and now they must put it back! It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity! It is ecological balance! You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multinational dominion of dollars. Petro-dollars, electro-dollars, multi-dollars, reichmarks, rins, rubles, pounds, and shekels. It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today! And YOU have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and YOU...WILL...ATONE! Am I getting through to you, Mr. Beale? You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen and howl about America and democracy. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM, and ITT, and AT&T, and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those *are* the nations of the world today. What do you think the Russians talk about in their councils of state, Karl Marx? They get out their linear programming charts, statistical decision theories, minimax solutions, and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments, just like we do. We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies, Mr. Beale. The world is a college of corporations, inexorably determined by the immutable bylaws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale. It has been since man crawled out of the slime. And our children will live, Mr. Beale, to see that . . . perfect world . . . in which there's no war or famine, oppression or brutality. One vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock. All necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused. And I have chosen you, Mr. Beale, to preach this evangel.

Cesar Guerra - 2009-05-05 08:24:42

What about Scott from "Happy-Go-Lucky"? All of his rants but specially the last one.

fdsjkh - 2009-05-05 09:25:47

How many of you got that Ant was making a joke with his "I don't give a fuck about what all your opinions are..." rant? Apparently, no one seemed to get it: IT'S A RANT, ON A PAGE ABOUT A LIST OF RANTS!! I understand you, Ant. Good stuff. Still, how could you not fucking put this one on your list, you sloppy cow? John Doe (Seven, 1995) Innocent? Is that supposed to be funny? An obese man, a disgusting man who could barely stand up, a man who if you saw him on the street, you'd point him out to your friends so that they could join you in mocking him, a man who, if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn't be able to finish your meal. After him, I picked the lawyer and I know you both must have been secretly thanking me for that one. This is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keeping murderers and rapists on the streets! A woman... a woman so ugly on the inside she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer, a drug dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore!Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. But that's the point. We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example. What I've done is going to be puzzled over and studied and followed, forever.

ginger - 2009-05-05 10:13:00

I don't see any movie rants from femal characters. Here is a challenge. Can anyone think of a movie rant from a woman? How about the color purple? When Whoppie Goldberg's character sticks the knife in the table in front of her no good husband?

DrAstroZoom - 2009-05-05 10:21:02

"I've been with the company for twenty-four years. I was posted in Greece for fifteen. I've advised and armed the Hellenic Army. I've neutralized champions of communism. I've spent the past three years... learning *Finnish!* Which would come in handy here in Virginia, and I'm never ever sick at sea. So I wanna know why... I'm not gonna be your Helsinki station chief ... For twenty four years people have been trying to kill me! People who know how. Now do you think that’s because my dad was a Greek soda pop maker? Or do you think that's because I'm an American spy? Go fuck yourself, you fucking child!"

Anonymous - 2009-05-05 10:47:51

Bartlby's speech to Loki in Dogma. After they get thrown off the train. The humans have besmirched everything bestowed on them. They were given Paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don't even believe He exists. And in spite of it all, He's shown them infinite fucking patience at every turn. What about us? I asked you... once to lay down the sword because I felt sorry for them. What was the result? Our expulsion from Paradise. WHERE WAS HIS INFINITE FUCKING PATIENCE THEN? IT'S NOT RIGHT, IT'S NOT FAIR. We've paid our debt. Don't you think it's time? Don't you think its time we went home? and to do that, I think we have to dispatch of our would-be dispatchers.

moojieba - 2009-05-05 11:23:25

"China is here? What does that mean? I don't even know what the hell that means! All I know is this Lo Pan character shows up out of thin air, while his buddies are flying around on wires...cutting people to shreds. And he just stands there?? Waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him? WITH LIGHT COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH??"

Brundlemox - 2009-05-05 11:34:11

C'mon...no love for the greatest angry rant ever...Nicky Santoro in Casino. The last motherfucker seals the deal: Get this through your head you Jew motherfucker, you! You only exist out here because of me! That's the only reason! Without *me*, you, personally, every fuckin' wise guy skell around'll take a piece of your fuckin' Jew ass! Then where you gonna go? You're fuckin' warned! Don't ever go over my fuckin' head again! You motherfucker, you.

BlueDanube - 2009-05-05 11:40:51

Cameron Frye? "I've got to take a stand. I'm bullshit. I put up with everything. My old man pushes me around. I never say anything. Well he's not the problem, I'm the problem. I've got to take a stand. I've got to take a stand against him. I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand and defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it. I'm so sick of this shit. I can't stand him and I hate this goddamn car. Who do you love? You love a car! You son of a bitch!"

Amy - 2009-05-05 12:40:52

Cameron Frye from Ferris Bueller and Jessep from a Few Good Men are 2 that are amazing and are missing. Otherwise, a good list.

mojoe - 2009-05-05 12:45:27

I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, and I'm coming looking for you! Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.

JJ - 2009-05-05 13:24:25

Wall Street and When Harry Met Sally should be on this list.

D'Vette - 2009-05-05 14:20:39

Ash in Army of Darkness: "All right you primative screwheads, listen up!!" how can you guys miss that one?

chjeshirekat - 2009-05-05 14:25:02

i think truth just earned a spot on this list

8rustystaples - 2009-05-05 15:50:54

I think some of the posters on this comment thread aren't familiar with the definition of "rant."

A better Animal House rant - 2009-05-05 16:04:47

Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did. But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but I for one am not going to stand here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

MattyCuse - 2009-05-05 16:23:33

"If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?" - Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (R. Lee Ermey); Full Metal Jacket

Steve - 2009-05-05 16:27:45

Everyone leaving suggestions needs to remember that there is a difference between a monologue and a rant. A rant is when someone seems to go on and on, seemingly about nothing or one simple point. A rant is something where one sentence would do in presenting the information but the person makes the explanation much longer. A monologue like i see many suggesting is just when a person has a lot to say with out any interruption. They may speak for a long time but the are presenting a lot of information and everything they say is necessary.

Dave - 2009-05-05 17:05:36

In response to ginger's request for female rants, one of my personal favorites from Michelle Pfeiffer in The Story of Us: "That's not why I'm saying Chow Funs. I'm saying Chow Funs because we're an us. There's a history here, and histories don't happen overnight. In Mesopotamia or Ancient Troy there are cities built on top of other cities, but I don't want another city, I like this city. I know what kind of mood your in when you wake up by which eyebrow is higher, and you know I'm a little quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly, that's a dance you perfect over time. And it's hard, it's much harder than I thought it would be, but there's more good than bad and you don't just give up! And it's not for the sake of the children, but God they're great kids aren't they? And we made them, I mean think about that! It's like there were no people there, and then there were people and they grew, and an an an I won't be able to say to some stranger Josh has your hands or remember how Erin threw up at the Lincoln Memorial And I'll try to relax, let's face it, anybody is going to have traits that get on your nerves, I mean, why shouldn't it be your annoying traits, and I know I'm no day at the beach, but I do have a good sense of direction so I can at least find the beach, which isn't a weakness of yours, it's a strength of mine. And God your a good friend and good friends are hard to find. Charlotte said that in Charlottes Web and I love how you read that to Erin and you take on the voice of Wilber the Pig with such dedication even when your bone tired. That speaks volumes about character! And ultimately, isn't that what it comes down too? What a person is made of? That girl in the pin helmet is still here 'bee boo bee boo' I didn't even know she existed until you and I'm afraid if you leave I may never see her again, even though I said at times you beat her out of me, isn't that the paradox? Haven't we hit the essential paradox? Give and take, push and pull, the yen the yang. The best of times, the worst of times!I think Dickens said it best, 'He could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean', but, doesn't really apply here does it? What I'm trying to say is, I'm saying Chow Funs because, I love you"

Andrea - 2009-05-05 18:24:51

I love the Planes, Trains, & Automobiles reel. Just reading it makes me laugh. I'm not a huge fan of just dropping f-bombs, but in this case, it was definitely called for. The problem is that when it's on regular TV, of course the f-bombs are taken out - not nearly as funny. And the thing that puts this scene over the top is that Edie McClurg is the customer agent...I love her!

Lisa - 2009-05-05 19:13:26

Gerry's "And you could only see what I was doing wrong" rant to his father in Sheridan's "In the Name of the Father" should make some rant list.

Anonymous - 2009-05-05 19:58:33

Do only white men make good rants?

Joost Zwager - 2009-05-05 20:58:58

I pissed myself laughing when Paul Dano breaks his vow of silence an hour into Little Miss Sunshine.

Jake - 2009-05-05 21:01:21

Doesn't anybody here watch movies made before 1976? How about ... Hey, Old Man. You home tonight? Can You spare a minute. It's about time we had a little talk. I know I'm a pretty evil fellow... killed people in the war and got drunk... and chewed up municipal property and the like. I know I got no call to ask for much... but even so, You've got to admit You ain't dealt me no cards in a long time. It's beginning to look like You got things fixed so I can't never win out. Inside, outside, all of them... rules and regulations and bosses. You made me like I am. Now just where am I supposed to fit in? Old Man, I gotta tell You. I started out pretty strong and fast. But it's beginning to get to me. When does it end? What do You got in mind for me? What do I do now? Right. All right.On my knees, asking. Yeah, that's what I thought. I guess I'm pretty tough to deal with, huh? A hard case. Yeah. I guess I gotta find my own way.

conundrumbombs - 2009-05-05 21:34:33

"Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?" Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson), As Good As It Gets

lawgirl - 2009-05-05 22:49:00

what about rosie o'donnell's rant in beautiful girls? Gina: I'm finished speaking to both of you okay? You're both fucking insane. You want to know what your problem is? MTV, Playboy, and Madison fucking Avenue. Yes. Let me explain something to you, ok? Girls with big tits have big asses. Girls with little tits have little asses. That's the way it goes. God doesn't fuck around; he's a fair guy. He gave the fatties big, beautiful tits and the skinnies little tiny niddlers. It's not my rule. If you don't like it, call him. Hey Mitch. Thank you. [Looking at a porn magazine] Gina: Oh, guys, look what we have here. Look at this, your favorite. Oh, you like that? Tommy: I could go along with that. Gina: Yeah, that's nice right? Well, it doesn't exist ok. Look at the hair. The hair is long, it's flowing, it's like a river. Well, it's a fucking weave ok? And the tits, please! I could hang my overcoat on them. Tits by design were invented to be suckled by babies. Yes, they're purely functional. These are silicon city. And look, my favorite, the shaved pubis. Pubic hair being too unruly and all. Very key. This is a mockery, this is a sham, this is bullshit. Implants, collagen, plastic, capped teeth, the fat sucked out, the hair extended, the nose fixed, the bush shaved... These are not real women, all right? They're beauty freaks. And they make all us normal women with our wrinkles, our puckered boobs, hi bob, and our cellulite feel somehow inadequate. Well I don't buy it, all right? But you fucking mooks, if you think that if there's a chance in hell that you'll end up with one of these women, you don't give us real women anything approaching a commitment. It's pathetic. I don't know what you think you're going to do. You're going to end up eighty-years old, drooling in some nursing home, then you're going to decide, it's time to settle down, get married, have kids? What, are you going to find a cheerleader? Charge it Mitch. Tommy: I think you're over simplifying. Gina: Oh eat me. Look at Paul. With his models on the wall, his dog named Elle McPherson. He's insane. He's obsessed. You're all obsessed. If you had an once of self-esteem, of self-worth, of self-confidence, you would realize that as trite as it may sound, beauty is truly skin-deep. And you know what, if you ever did hook one of those girls, I guarantee you'd be sick of her. Tommy: Yeah, I suppose I'd get sick of her after about, what, twenty or thirty years? Gina: Get over yourself. Thank you Mitch. Say hello to Gertrude. Tommy: What? Gina: No mater how perfect the nipple, how supple the thigh, unless there is some other shit going on in the relationship, besides the physical, it's going to get old, ok? And you guys, as a gender, have got to get a grip. Otherwise, the future of the human race is in jeopardy.

Persephone - 2009-05-05 23:45:32

Donnie Darko: First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette - Gargamel did! She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gangbang scenario - Huh! I - it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual, th-they don't even have...reproductive organs under those little...white...pants. That's what's so illogical, y'know, about being a Smurf. Y'know what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?

CF - 2009-05-06 02:40:14

John Shaft, to Malik, _Shaft_ (2001)

Irunsthis - 2009-05-07 20:57:32

"The fuck you doin' stealin boxes for?! What you tryna build a clubhouse? Man I know you didn't go out like that.... Damn! You've got to be one stupid mother-fucker to get fired on your day off!

Missy - 2009-05-11 22:34:38

From a purely feminist point of view I am shocked that you assholes picked rants from just men. Don't you know know women yell better than men and have much better english too?

Dave - 2009-05-15 00:58:08

Missy, feminists going on the offensive like that have gotten nowhere in man's book, mind you. And unless you've organized an army to systematically overthrow patriarchy, it will continue to do nothing but aid in the nullification of chivalry, effectively putting women in a considerably more dismal social stratum than that of any era witnessed by the western world in the past few millennia.

joan - 2009-11-01 13:00:01

you missed the one in the movie "trainspotting"

Gust Avacados... - 2009-11-01 14:33:50

What about Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Charlie Wilson's War? Completely satisfying rant!

emanon - 2010-01-27 21:37:59

a few more...Al Pacino's Attica rant in "Dog Day Afternoon", the montage sequence of racial rants in Spike Lee's "Do The Right Thing", the many boozy rants between Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf", and perhaps the only rant ever directed towards one self in the climax of "The Browning Version" (1951) by the master actor Michael Redgrave.

C. Robert Dimitri - 2010-04-07 19:05:45

It's absolutely criminal that you would place Boiler Room higher than Glengarry Glen Ross. I like the movie, but c'mon...

Theo - 2010-04-29 14:59:51

I was gonna be super pissed if Howard Beale wasn't #1. Kudos.

nick - 2010-05-03 21:38:17

al pacino scent of a woman courtroom scene= number 1.

dlsmith - 2010-06-12 17:50:46

Chinatown: OK, go home, but in case you're interested, your husband was murdered. Somebody's been dumping thousands of tons of water from the city's reservoirs and we're supposed to be in the middle of a drought. He found out about it and he was killed. There's a waterlogged drunk in the morgue, involuntary manslaughter if anybody wants to take the trouble - which they don't. It seems like half the city is trying to cover it all up, which is fine by me. But Mrs. Mulwray, I goddamned near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it. And I still think that you're hiding something.

Johnnyboy - 2011-06-19 06:26:42
This list is very good and some of the comments are valid. However, some of the suggestions are monologues and not rants. A rant is an angry or violent speech about something or someone....Gene Wilder, Jack Nicholson and Al Pacino all made memorable rants. Over to you....
Are You Kidding Me? - 2012-04-20 09:56:52
Somewhere in the comments this guy left a post talking shit about Fight Club. He made key statements like "I thought it was awesome when I was 13." and "I was into any movie with violence"... paraphrasing but that was it. To this I would like to say, "Congratulations, you are a fucking tool." See, when Fight Club came out, I was 21, not fucking 13, so my mind was able to grasp concepts beyond the violence. I respected the movie for keeping the theme under wraps as marketing was concerned, pulling in disphits like this kid here, collecting misguided closet-cases and retards full of testosterone thinking they were going to see a Van Damme movie and then bombarding them with truths. Of course you really don't have any business or right watching Fight Club until you've experienced enough in your life to understand what the fuck this movie is talking about. To return to it years later, angry at it for being more than a UFC dick slapping contest makes you a fucking failure. So there it is. Maybe one day you'll watch it again and be embarrassed about having insulted it simply because you couldn't read between lines to save your fucking life, or maybe you won't out of spite because your mind is clouded with "that guy on the internet called me names". Either way, you don't deserve the overhyped movie, you deserve to wallow in the shallow bile cesspool of mediocrity that is your narrow-minded opinion of anything above you, AKA everything. I hereby banish you from watching good movies until your balls have dropped, junior. How's that for a rant?
Anonymous - 2012-08-02 02:09:02

My favorite has always been Rudy Mackenzie's answer when the doctor asked him how he's doing.. "For me... that is a really difficult question Dr. Laurenson, because the world around me is shrinking... and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are comin' to see me today, and they're not bringing flowers which... just makes it real difficult to get organized"

Alaric Morgan - 2012-10-28 00:39:39

Not going to cut and paste it, but Jack Nicholson's rant at the end of Devil's Advocate. And on a similar note, Ben Affleck's parking garage rant in Dogma. Both astounding rewrites of Milton.

Barker - 2012-12-12 17:51:10

President Andrew Shepherd (Michael Douglas) from The American President: "For the last couple of months, Senator Rumson has suggested that being President of this country was, to a certain extent, about character. And although I've not been willing to engage in his attacks on me, I have been here three years and three days, and I can tell you without hesitation: Being President of this country is entirely about character. For the record, yes, I am a card-carrying member of the ACLU, but the more important question is "Why aren't you, Bob?" Now this is an organization whose sole purpose is to defend the Bill of Rights, so it naturally begs the question, why would a senator, his party's most powerful spokesman and a candidate for President, choose to reject upholding the constitution? Now if you can answer that question, folks, then you're smarter than I am, because I didn't understand it until a few hours ago. America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours." You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free. I've known Bob Rumson for years. And I've been operating under the assumption that the reason Bob devotes so much time and energy to shouting at the rain was that he simply didn't get it. Well, I was wrong. Bob's problem isn't that he doesn't get it. Bob's problem is that he can't sell it! We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of it, and telling you who's to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections. You gather a group of middle age, middle class, middle income voters who remember with longing an easier time, and you talk to them about family, and American values and character, and you wave an old photo of the President's girlfriend and you scream about patriotism. You tell them she's to blame for their lot in life. And you go on television and you call her a whore. Sydney Ellen Wade has done nothing to you, Bob. She has done nothing but put herself through school, represent the interests of public school teachers, and lobby for the safety of our natural resources. You want a character debate, Bob? You better stick with me, 'cause Sydney Ellen Wade is way out of your league. I've loved two women in my life. I lost one to cancer. And I lost the other 'cause I was so busy keeping my job, I forgot to do my job. Well, that ends right now. Tomorrow morning the White House is sending a bill to Congress for it's consideration. It's White House Resolution 455, an energy bill requiring a twenty percent reduction of the emission of fossil fuels over the next ten years. It is by far the most aggressive stride ever taken in the fight to reverse the effects of global warming. The other piece of legislation is the crime bill. As of today, it no longer exists. I'm throwing it out. I'm throwing it out and writing a law that makes sense. You cannot address crime prevention without getting rid of assault weapons and hand guns. I consider them a threat to national security, and I will go door to door if I have to, but I'm gonna convince Americans that I'm right, and I'm gonna get the guns. We've got serious problems, and we need serious people. And if you want to talk about character, Bob, you'd better come at me with more than a burning flag and a membership card. If you want to talk about character and American values, fine. Just tell me where and when, and I'll show up. This a time for serious people, Bob, and your fifteen minutes are up. My name is Andrew Shepherd, and I AM the President."

JP - 2013-03-05 01:13:30

Sol Roth (Edward G Robinson)from Soylent Green. Offered some Soylent he says "Tasteless odorless crud. You don't know any better. You know when I was kid food was food. Before our scientific magicians poisioned the water, polluted the soil, decimated plant and animal life. Why, in my day you could buy meat anywhere. Eggs they had. Real butter. Fresh lettuce in the stores. How can anything survive in a climate like this. A heat wave all year long. A greenhouse effect. Everything is burning up."