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"As soon as you're born, your life makes a beeline for the drain." —Fat City

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Ever pick up one of those "comprehensive" movie quote books full of lame, predictable and stale quips from classic flicks like Citizen Kane and Casablanca (or even crap like Forrest Gump)? Hey, I love those films too, but what I'm really looking for are some practical movie quotes, the kind of memorable lines you can use at a moment's notice to shock, amuse, impress and insult your friends, relatives and coworkers. Hell, with the right quote at the appropriate time, you might just get laid! As usual, since we couldn't find anything that fits our criteria at the bookstores or on the Internet, we've slapped together a list of our own great movie quotes for your reading enjoyment. So fasten your fuckin' seatbelts - it's going to be a bumpy night!

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• Airplane! [1980]
  "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!"

• Alien [1979]
  "You still don't know what you're dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility . . . I admire its purity, a survivor, unclouded by conscience, remorse or delusions of morality."

• Aliens [1986]
  "You're going out there to destroy them, right? Not to study, not to bring back, but to wipe them out?"

• American Beauty [1999]
  "You're a twisted fuck."
  "No, I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose."
  
  'Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right, I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this . . . sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back.'
  
  "I had always heard that your entire life flashes before your eyes the second before you die. Only that one second isn't a second at all, it seems to stretch out forever like an ocean of time. For me it was lying on my back at boy scout camp, watching falling stars. And the maple trees that line our street. Or my grandmother's hands, and how her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird. And Janey. And my last thought was of Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to be angry when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes, I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and I can't take it. My heart swells up like a balloon that's about to burst. But then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then, it flows through me like rain and I feel nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry. You will someday."

• American History X [1998]
  "Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time."

• Animal House [1978]
  "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

• Annie Hall [1977]
  "Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love."
  
  "Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving on the road at night I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The flames rising out of the flowing gasoline."

• Apocalypse Now [1979]
  "I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like . . . victory."
  
  "We'll come in low out of the rising sun and about a mile out, we'll put on the music . . . Yeah, I use Wagner-scares the hell out of the slopes! My boys love it!"
  
  "We train young men to drop fire on people. But their commanders won't allow them to write 'fuck' on their airplanes because it's obscene."
  

• Bachelor Party [1984]
  "Let's have a bachelor party with chicks and guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze!"
  "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! All the things that make life worth living for!"
  
  "I wish I had someone I could really respect. Hey, look at the cans on that bimbo!"

• Back to School [1986]
  "Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out and then bring one every 10 minutes."
  
  "I put one kid through college; I put the other through a wall."

• Bananas [1971]
  "You are accused of killing over a thousand innocent civilians. How do you plead?"
  "Guilty . . . but with an explanation."
  
  "Good afternoon. Wide World of Sports is in the republic of San Marcos where we are going to bring you a live on the spot assassination. They're going to kill the president of this lovely Latin American country and replace him with a military dictatorship . . . The door opens. It's El Presidente waving at the crowd. A shot rings out! He turns and runs back to the building. The crowd has gone wild. He is caught in a crossfire of bullets. And down! It's over! It's all over for El Presidente!"
  
  "The bride wore the traditional virginal white . . . as did Mellish."

• Barfly [1987]
  "Some people never go crazy. What miserable lives they must lead."
  
  "It takes a special talent to be a drunk. It takes endurance. Endurance is more important than truth."

• Better off Dead [1985]
  "He snorts nasal spray? You know where I can score some?"

• Big Wednesday [1978]
  "Who knows where the wind comes from? Is it the breath of God? Who knows what makes the clouds? Where do the great swells come from? And for what? Only that now was time and we had waited so long."

• Billy Jack [1971]
  "You know what I think I'm gonna do then? Just for the hell of it? I'm gonna take this right foot and I'm gonna whop you on that side of your face . . . and you want to know something? There's not a damn thing you're gonna be able to do about it."

• Black Sunday [1977]
  "For thirty years, I have been killing and murdering. What have I achieved? Same world. Same wars. Same enemies. Same friends. And same victims."

• Blade Runner [1982]
  "I want more life, fucker!"

• Blood Simple [1984]
  "The world is full of complainers. But the fact is, nothing comes with a guarantee. I don't care if you're the Pope of Rome, President of the United States or Man of the Year, something can all go wrong. But go ahead, complain, tell your problems to your neighbor, ask for help and watch him fly. Now in Russia, they got it all mapped out so that everyone pulls for everyone else. That's the theory anyway. But what I know about is Texas and down here you're on your own."

• Blue Velvet [1986]
  "It's a sunny, woodsy day in Lumberton. Get those chainsaws out."
  
  "Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!"
  
  "I'll send you a love letter! Straight from my heart, fucker! You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet from a fucking gun, fucker! You receive a love letter from me, you're fucked forever! You understand, fuck? I'll send you straight to hell, fucker!"

• Boiler Room [2000]
  "I didn't want to be an innovator anymore, I just wanted to make the quick and easy buck, I just wanted in. The Notorious BIG said it best: 'Either you're slingin' crack rock or you've got a wicked jump shot.' Nobody wants to work for it anymore."
  
  "So I went the white-boy way of selling crack rock. I decided to become a stockbroker."
  
  "You are required to work your fuckin' ass off at this firm. We want winners, not pikers. Pikers walk at the bell. Pikers ask how much vacation time they get. Vacation time? People join this firm for one reason and one reason only, to become filthy rich. If you want vacation time, go teach third grade public school."
  
  "I am a millionaire. A weird thing to hear? Well let me tell you, it's a weird thing to say. I am a fuckin' millionaire. And guess how old I am - 27. Do you know what that makes me around here? A fuckin' senior citizen. This firm is made up entirely of people your age. You are the future big swinging dicks of this firm."
  
  "Think money can't buy happiness? Well look at the fuckin' smile on my face!"

• Burn! [1969]
  "So often we have to realize that our judgments and our interpretations and even our hopes have been wrong-wrong, that's all."
  
  "I'm not sure what I'm doing here. I'm not sure why I'm doing what I'm doing. Perhaps it's only for the pleasure of it or maybe it's because I don't know how to do anything else. Perhaps I've nothing else to do. But I do know that whatever I do, I try to do it well and see it clearly through to the end."

• The Cable Guy [1996]
  "You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called 'Gimme Shelter,' about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn."
  
  "Of course she's a prostitute! Do you think these girls would go out with us if we weren't paying them?"
  
  "The future is now! Soon every American home will integrate their television, phone and computer. You'll be able to visit the Louvre on one channel, or watch female wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend from Vietnam. There's no end to the possibilities!"

• Caddyshack [1980]
  "Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it."
  
  "You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, want to make 14 dollars the hard way?"
  
  "Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity."
  
  "He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife!"

• Carnal Knowledge [1971]
  "The first time I do it, I want her beautiful. I don't want to waste it on some beast."

• Casino [1995]
  "Nicky's method of betting wasn't scientific, but it worked. When he won, he collected. When he lost, he told the bookies to go fuck themselves."
  
  "Listen to me, Anthony. I got your head in a fuckin' vise. I'll squash your head like a fuckin' grapefruit if you don't give me a name."
  
  "When it looked like they could get 25 years to life in prison just for skimming a casino, sick or no fuckin' sick you knew people were going to get clipped."

• Casual Sex? [1988]
  "I'm the best in the East, I'm a wild and crazy beast, I'm the Vin-Man!"

• Chitty Chitty Bang Bang [1968]
  "You'll find a slight squeeze on the hooter an excellent safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious."

• Christmas Vacation [1989]
  "Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"
  
  "What are you looking at, Clark?"
  "Oh, silent majesty of a winter's morn, clean, beautiful holiday air, an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer."
  
  "Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye! And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!"
  
  "Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

• Citizen Kane [1941]
  "A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn't see me at all, but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl." [Editor's Note: Okay, we had to throw in at least one classic movie quote, didn't we?]

• Commando [1985]
  "You scared motherfucker? Well you should be because this Green Beret is going to kick your ass."
  "I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now I'm very hungry."

• Continental Divide [1981]
  "There's the toilet and the refrigerator - what more is there in life?"

• Cutter's Way [1981]
  "The routine grind drives me to drink. Tragedy I take straight."

• Dark Star [1974]
  "Don't give me any of that intelligent life crap, just give me something I can blow up."

• Dawn of the Dead [1978]
  "When there is no room in hell, the dead will walk the Earth."

• Days of Wine and Roses [1962]
  "This is the way I look when I'm sober. It's enough to make a person drink."

• The Deer Hunter [1978]
  "You have to think about one shot. One shot is what it's all about. The deer has to be taken with one shot."

• Deliverance [1972]
  "Do know what's gonna be here? Right here? A lake. As far as the eyes can see. Hundreds of feet deep. Hundreds of feet deep. Did you ever look out over a lake and think of something buried underneath it? Buried underneath it! Well man, that's just about as buried as you can get."
  
  "I think the machines are going to fail, the political systems are going to fail and a few men are going to take to the hills and start over."
  
  "I've never been insured in my life. I don't believe in insurance. There's no risk."
  
  "Sometimes you have to lose yourself before you can find anything."
  
  "You got a nice job, you got a nice house, a nice wife, a nice kid."
  "You make that sound rather shitty, Lewis."

• Detour [1945]
  "Man, she looked like she'd just been thrown off the crummiest freight train in the world."
  
  "Life's like a ballgame. You gotta take a swing at whatever comes along before you wake up and find it's the ninth inning."

• The Devil's Advocate [1997]
  "Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts! He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste! Taste, don't swallow. Aha ha! And when you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughing His sick, fucking ass off. He's a tight-ass! He's a sadist! He's an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never!"

• Diner [1982]
  "I saw 'Bonanza' over at my in-laws and it was not for me. The Ponderosa looked fake. Hardly recognized Little Joe."

• Dog Day Afternoon [1975]
  "So what country do you want to go to?"
  "Wyoming."
  "Sal, Wyoming's not a country."

• Down by Law [1986]
  "My grandmother used to say that America is a big melting pot. Because when you boil it, the scum rises to the top."

• Drugstore Cowboy [1989]
  "In the future, right wingers will use drug hysteria to set up an international police apparatus."

• Dumb and Dumber [1994]
  "I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this."
  "I was thinking the same thing."
  "That John Denver is full of shit, man."
  
  "Check out the funbags on that hosehound."

• Electra Glide in Blue [1973]
  "I need you to give me some information."
  "I'll give you some information. You're standing in pig shit."

• Escape from New York [1981]
  "It's the survival of the human race, Plissken. Something you don't give a shit about."

• Falling Down [1993]
  "You and I, we're the same."
  "We are not the same. I'm an American. You're a sick asshole."
  
  "Why am I calling you by your first names? I don't even know you. I still call my boss 'Mister', and I've been working for him for seven years, but all of a sudden I walk in here and I'm calling you Rick and Sheila like we're in some kind of AA meeting . . . I don't want to be your buddy, Rick. I just want some breakfast."

• Fandango [1985]
  "There's nothing wrong with going nowhere, son. It's the privilege of youth."
  
  "Texas is really ugly, you know. I mean, what could anyone possibly like about this state?"
  "I like the way it's shaped."

• Fast Times at Ridgemont High [1982]
  "I can see it all now, this is gonna be just like last summer. You fell in love with that girl at the Fotomat, you bought forty dollars worth of fuckin' film and you never even talked to her. You don't even own a camera."

• Fight Club [1999]
  "First Rule, You do not talk about Fight Club. Second Rule: You do not talk about Fight Club. Third Rule: When someone yells 'stop' or goes limp, the fight is over. Fourth Rule: Only two guys to a fight. Fifth Rule: One fight at a time, fellas. Sixth Rule: No shirts, no shoes. Seventh Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to. Eighth Rule: If this is your first night at Fight Club, you HAVE to fight . . ."
  
  "In the world I see-you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighway."
  
  "Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."
  
  "We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them."
  
  "Where would Jesus be if no one had written the gospels?"
  
  "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."
  
  "Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables-slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war . . . our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

• Full Metal Jacket [1987]
  "Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, tinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it! Out-fucking-standing! I will PT you all until you fucking die! I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk. Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?"
  
  "Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress."
  
  "You will give your rifle a girl's name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging old Mary J. Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over!"
  
  "You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers I will teach you. Now get up, get on your feet! You had best un-fuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!"
  
  "I'm in a world of shit . . . But I am alive. And I am not afraid."

• The Godfather [1972]
  "What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you."

• Good Will Hunting [1997]
  "Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at NSA. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself because I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and 1,500 people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are saying, 'Send in the marines to secure the area' because they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, getting shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called because they were pulling a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie taking shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, because he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at 250 a gallon. And naturally they're taking their sweet time bringing the oil back and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long until he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks because the shrapnel in his ass is giving him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starving because every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're serving is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holding out for something better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."
  

• Goodfellas [1990]
  "How the fuck am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me?"
  
  "That's the way it is with a wiseguy partner. He gets his money no matter what. You got no business? Fuck you; pay me. You had a fire? Fuck you; pay me. The place got hit by lightning and World War III started in the lounge? Fuck you; pay me."
  
  "You know Spider, you're a fuckin' mumbling stumbling stuttering little fuck. You know that?"
  
  "For us to live any other way was nuts. Uh, to us, those goody-good people who worked shitty jobs for bum paychecks and took the subway to work every day, and worried about their bills, were dead. I mean they were suckers. They had no balls. If we wanted something we just took it. If anyone complained twice they got hit so bad, believe me, they never complained again."
  
  "Today everything is different. There's no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food. Right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook."

• Halloween [1978]
  "I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blind, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes . . . the devil's eyes! I spent eight years trying to reach him and then another seven trying to keep him locked up for I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply . . . EVIL!"

• Hardbodies [1984]
  "All these nubiles make me feel like an old fucker."
  "You are an old fucker."

• Heathers [1989]
  "If God wanted you to be happy every day, He would have made you a game show host."
  
  "The extreme always seems to make an impression."
  
  "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa to you?"

• The Incredible Shrinking Man [1957]
  "And I felt my body dwindling, melting, becoming nothing. My fears looked away and in their place came acceptance. All this vast majesty of creation, it had to mean something. And then I meant something, too. To God there is no zero. I still exist."

• The In-Laws [1979]
  "You were involved in the Bay of Pigs?"
  "Involved? That was my idea."

• Jacob's Ladder [1990]
  "Eckhart saw Hell too. He said: The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of life, your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they're not punishing you, he said. They're freeing your soul. So, if you're frightened of dying and . . . and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth."

• Jeremiah Johnson [1972]
  "Where you headed?"
  "Same place you are, Jeremiah: hell, in the end."
  
  "I, Hatchet Jack, being of sound mind and broke legs, do leaveth my rifle to the next thing who finds it, Lord hope he be a white man. It is a good rifle and killeth the bear that killeth me. Anyway, I am dead. Sincerley [sic], Hatchet Jack."

• Johnny Got His Gun [1971]
  "When it comes my turn, will you want me to go?"
  "For democracy, any man would give his only begotten son."
  
  "Inside me I'm screaming, nobody pays any attention. If I had arms, I could kill myself. If I had legs, I could run away. If I had a voice, I could talk and be some kind of company for myself. I could yell for help, but nobody would help me."

• Just One of the Guys [1985]
  "Can't you think of anything more profound than getting laid?"
  "A blow job?"

• The Killing [1956]
  "I know you like a book, ya little tramp. You'd sell out your own mother for a piece of fudge. But you're smart with it. Smart enough to know when to sell and when to sit tight. You've got a great big dollar sign there where most women have a heart."

• The Last Detail [1973]
  "I am the motherfucking shore patrol, motherfucker! I am the motherfucking shore patrol! Give this man a beer."
  "I don't want a beer."
  "You're gonna have a fuckin' beer!"
  
  "Heineken? Why it's the finest beer in the world! President Kennedy used to drink it!"

• Leaving Las Vegas [1995]
  "Are you desirable? Are you irresistible? Maybe if you drank bourbon with me, it would help. Maybe if you kissed me and I could taste the sting in your mouth it would help. If you drank bourbon with me naked. If you smelled of bourbon as you fucked me, it would help. It would increase my esteem for you. If you poured bourbon onto your naked body and said to me 'drink this'. If you spread your legs and you had bourbon dripping from your breasts and your pussy and said 'drink here' then I could fall in love with you. Because then I would have a purpose. To clean you up and that, that would prove that I'm worth something. I'd lick you clean so that you could go away and fuck someone else."
  
  "I came here to drink myself to death."
  "How long will it take you?"
  "I'd say about three to four weeks."

• Less Than Zero [1987]
  "Are you happy, Blair? You don't look happy."
  "But do I look good?"

• The Lion in Winter [1968]
  "In a world where carpenters get resurrected, everything is possible."

• The Lost Weekend [1945]
  "Most men live lives of quiet desperation. I can't take quiet desperation."

• Love and Death [1975]
  "Judgment of any system, or a priori relationship or phenomenon exists in an irrational, or metaphysical, or at least epistemological contradiction to an abstract empirical concept such as being, or to be, or to occur in the thing itself, or of the thing itself."
  "Yes, I've said that many times."
  
  "He was from my village. He was the village idiot."
  "Yeah, what did you do, place?"
  
  "If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

• The Magnificent Seven [1960]
  "We'll fight with guns if we have them. If we don't, with machetes, axes, clubs, anything!"
  
  "The final supreme idiocy. Coming here to hide. The deserter hiding out in the middle of a battlefield."

• The Man Who Fell to Earth [1976]
  "The strange thing about television is that it doesn't tell you anything."

• The Manchurian Candidate [1962]
  "There are two kinds of people in the world: those who walk into a room and immediately turn the TV on, and those who immediately turn it off."
  
  "His brain has not only been washed, as they say . . . it's been dry cleaned."
  
  "The 12 days of Christmas! One day of Christmas is horrible enough."

• Manhattan [1979]
  "This is so antiseptic. It's empty. Why do you think this is funny? You're going by audience reaction? This is an audience that's raised on television, their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!"

• The Matrix [1999]
  "The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it."
  
  "This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill-the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill-you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
  
  "I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure."
  
  "There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
  
  "The Matrix is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."
  
  "Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believed we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world. But I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through suffering and misery. The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this: the peak of your civilization."
  
  "Welcome to the desert of the real."

• Mean Streets [1973]
  "You don't make up for your sins in church. You do it in the streets. You do it at home. The rest is bullshit and you know it."

• Memento [2000]
  "Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record and they're irrelevant if you have the facts."
  
  "I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning . . . even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there."
  
  "The world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it?"

• Monty Python and the Holy Grail [1975]
  "I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

• Night of the Living Dead [1968]
  "It has been established that persons who have recently died have been returning to life and committing acts of murder."

• Nixon [1995]
  "Always remember: others may hate you. But those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself."
  
  "Only when you've been in the deepest valley, can you ever know how magnificent it is on top of the highest mountain."
  
  "Why are you so interested in peace? The real war is in us. History is a symptom of our disease."
  
  "You got people dying because he didn't make the varsity football team. You got the Constitution hanging by a thread because the old man went to Whittier instead of Yale."
  

• Office Space [1999]
  "I'm thinking about taking that new chick from Logistics. If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: Oh! Oh!"
  
  "And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year and I used to be over by the window and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and its not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire."
  
  "What if we're...still doin' this when we're 50?"
  "It would be nice to have that kind of job security."

• Old School [2003]
  "True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend."
  

• One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest [1975]
  "What are you doin' here? You oughta be out in a convertible bird-doggin' chicks and bangin' beaver."

• Out of the Past [1947]
  "I never saw her in the daytime. We seemed to live by night. What was left of the day went away like a pack of cigarettes you smoked."

• The Outlaw Josey Wales [1976]
  "Get ready, little lady, hell is coming to breakfast."
  
  "There's an old saying . . . 'to the victor goes the spoils.'"
  "There's another saying, Senator: 'Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining.'"
  
  "We thought about it for a long time, 'Endeavor to persevere.' And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union."

• Paradise Alley [1978]
  "Do you know how many men could've been sitting on top of the world, but they let a dame tell them what to do and the only thing they ended up sitting on top of was a toilet."

• Patton [1970]
  "We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're going to kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're gonna go through him like crap through a goose."

• Planes, Trains & Automobiles [1987]
  "I'm still a million bucks shy of being a millionaire."
  
  "And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"
  
  "Everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate between things that are funny or slightly amusing. You're a miracle. Your stories have none of that! They're not even amusing accidentally!"

• Primal Fear [1996]
  "Why gamble with money when you can gamble with people's lives?"

• The Raven [1935]
  "Maybe if a man looks ugly he does ugly things."

• Rebel Without a Cause [1955]
  "You know something? I never figured I'd live to see eighteen. Isn't that dumb? . . . Each day I'd look in the mirror and I'd say, 'What? You still here?' Man! . . . Like even today. I woke up this morning, you know? And the sun was shining and everything was nice . . . and I thought this is going to be one terrific day so you better live it up, boy 'cause tomorrow maybe you'll be nothing."

• Repo Man [1984]
  "There's room to move as a frycook, man. I could be manager in two years' time."
  
  "Put your seatbelt on, boy. I don't ride with anybody unless they wear their seatbelt. It's one of my rules."
  
  "I don't want no commies in my car. No Christians either!"
  
  "Look at 'em, ordinary fuckin' people. I hate 'em."
  
  "A repo man spends his life getting into tense situations."
  
  "Not many people have a code to live by these days."
  
  "There's going to be some bad shit coming down one of these days."
  "Yeah, and where are you going to be then? On the moon?"
  "No, I'm going to be right here, doing 110 flat out."

• Reservoir Dogs [1992]
  "I don't really give a good fuck what you know or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's so amusing to me to torture a cop. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get."

• Revenge of the Nerds [1984]
  "You college guys are all alike, all you care about is getting laid. I wish I was going with you."
  
  "I thought I was looking at my mother's old douche bag, but that's in Ohio."

• The Right Stuff [1983]
  "There was a demon that lived in the air. They said whoever challenged him would die. Their controls would freeze up, their planes would buffet wildly and they would disintegrate. The demon lived at Mach 1 on the meter, seven hundred and fifty miles an hour, where the air could no longer move out of the way. He lived behind a barrier through which they said no man could ever pass. They called it the sound barrier."

• Risky Business [1983]
  "Sometimes you gotta say 'What the Fuck', make your move. Joel, every now and then, saying 'What the Fuck', brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity brings freedom. So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself . . . What the fuck."
  
  "My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?"

• River's Edge [1986]
  "I've got this philosophy. You do shit. Then it's done. Then you die."
  
  "I cried when the guy died in Brian's Song. Why can't I cry for Jami?"
  
  "I happen to know my friends, fucking know them. We're like a fucking team; we're like Starsky and Hutch."
  
  "I killed a girl, it was no accident. Put a gun to the back of her head and blew her brains right out the front. I was in love."

• Rocky [1976]
  "Where did you get the name, 'The Italian Stallion'?"
  "Oh I made that up one night while I was eating dinner."

• Save the Tiger [1973]
  "Are you OK? Do you want something?"
  "Yes. I want that girl in a Cole Porter song. I wanna see Lena Horne at the Cotton Club - hear Billie Holiday sing fine and mellow-walk in that kind of rain that never washes perfume away. I wanna be in love with something. Anything. Just the idea. A dog, a cat. Anything. Just something."

• Say Anything [1989]
  "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything or process anything . . ."
  
  "I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?"
  "By choice, man!"

• Scent of a Woman [1992]
  "Women. What could you say? Who made 'em? God must've been a fucking genius."
  
  
• The Seventh Seal [1956]
  'My indifference has shut me out. I live in a world of ghosts, a prisoner of dreams. I want God to put out his hand, show his face, speak to me. I cry out to him in the dark but there is no one there.'
  

• Shallow Hal [2001]
  "You had me at 'Get Lost'."
  
  "Is that a Member's Only jacket?"
  "Yes."
  "I guess you must be the last member."

• Sid and Nancy [1986]
  "They're not gonna fucking send us any money! They said we'd spend it all on drugs!"
  "We would!"
  
  "I hate my fuckin' life."
  "This is just a rough patch. Things will be much better when we get to America. I promise."
  "We're in America. We've been here a week. New York is in America, you fuck."

• Slacker [1991]
  "Yeah, the waitresses [at the Dallas Steak Egg and Kitchen] went on record, in the Warren Report, as saying that Oswald didn't like his eggs and used bad language."
  
  "One of the true heroes of American history . . . Leon Czolgosz. The man who assassinated William McKinley. He was an unknown Polish émigré who happened to be an anarchist of the 'propaganda by the deed' variety. If there were a hundred like him around today, they could change the world. The only political assassination of a U.S. president . . . well, except for Lincoln, I guess, and Kennedy, probably, but Leon was the only anarchist in the bunch. There was such a thing as belief put into action in those days."
  
  "It's taken my entire life, but I can now say that I've practically given up on not only my own people but for mankind in its entirety. I can only address myself to singular human beings now."
  
  "To those humans in whom I have faith: I wish suffering, being forsaken, sickness, maltreatment, humiliation. I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt and the misery of the vanquished. I have no pity for them because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not-that one endures."

• Sleeper [1973]
  "It's hard to believe that you haven't had sex for two hundred years."
  "Two hundred and four if you count my marriage."

• Spring Break [1983]
  "Beer's like . . . fuckin' great, ya know?"

• Stripes [1981]
  "Lee Harvey! You are a madman! When you stole that cow? And your friend tried to make it with the cow? I wanna party with you. "

• Swingers [1996]
  'We're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this party and then leaving cause it sucks, then we're gonna look for this other party you heard about. But, Trent, all the parties and bars, they all suck. I spend half the night trying to talk to some girl whose eyes are darting around to see if there's someone else she should be talking to . . . Half of them are nasty skanks who wouldn't be shit if they weren't surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. I'm not gonna be one of those assholes. It's fucking depressing. Some skank who isn't half the woman my girlfriend is is gonna front me? It makes me want to puke.'
  
  "You shouldn't be sorry. You're a winner. I'm the one who should be sorry, I'm the fuckin' loser."
  "Don't talk that way."
  "Can we just go?"
  "Let me tell you something, Mike. You're money, and you know what else? You're a big winner. I'm gonna ask you a simple question: who's the big winner tonight in the casino? Mikey, that's who. Mikey's the big winner."
  
  "Trent, the beautiful babies don't work the midnight to six shift on a Wednesday. This is like the skank shift. "

• Taxi Driver [1976]
  "Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man."
  
  "Thank God for the rain to wash the trash off the sidewalk."
  
  "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? Huh? Okay."
  
  "Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up."

• They Live [1988]
  "I have come here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum."

• The Thin Red Line [1998]
  "What difference do you think you can make, one man in all this madness?"

Tin Men [1987]
"I'm gonna tell you something. 'Bonanza' is not an accurate depiction of the West . . . You ever see the show? It's a fifty-year-old father with three forty-seven-year-old sons. You know why they get along good? 'Cause they're all the same age."

"I don't understand a picnic. Go someplace, put a thing on the ground, and eat . . . I don't get it. It's better sitting in front of the TV."

• The Treasure of the Sierra Madre [1948]
  "You know, the worst ain't so bad when it finally happens. Not half as bad as you figure it's be before it's happened."

• Up in Smoke [1978]
  "You wanna get high man?"
  "Does Howdy Doody got wooden balls, man?"

• Used Cars [1980]
  "This country's goin' to the dogs. You know, it used to be when you bought a politician, that son-of-a-bitch stayed bought!"

• Vacation [1983]
  "I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?"
  "You're the gourmet around here, Eddie."
  
  "Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little extra cash?"
  "Sure, Eddie, how much do you need?"
  "About fifty-two thousand dollars."
  
  "I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our goddamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!"

• Valley Girl [1983]
  "Is this movie in 3-D?"
  "No, but your face is."
  
  "Crush that fly!"

• Zandalee [1991]
  "Without creativity, without life, then you are truly unable to go straight up the Devil's ass, look him right in the face, smile and survive."

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