Shannon Peil

Night Terrors

I

can hold a conversation

    without moving my upper lip.

I

can smile with my eyes

    and I can look away

to laugh. I can read

psych papers

    about why

people have nightmares

where

    their teeth fall out.

I

can have my own nightmares

    where I accidentally

smile in public.

    I can nod

awkwardly

when pretty girls say hi.

    I can feel

my rot eating me

    from the inside out.

sick day

i thought

real hard

about not showing up tomorrow

but a scab would do my job for half what I make

and it really doesn’t matter

how hard you fuck the white

middle class

american

male

we’ll bend over willingly

stare at the carrot

beg for it harder

until we’re outsourced

and tomorrow I’ll come in again

waiting

to get fucked

patiently

belonging

they look at me like i don't belong here

as if i didn't know that

jukebox playing a song 20 years too old for me

guys sinking closer and closer to the bar

the bartender is dry skinned

roots showing

muffin top over denim

wasn't even cute 30 years ago

and i know i don't belong but order anyway

it's 11am on a tuesday

and i'm drinking by myself

don't tell me i don't belong

here's a dollar

until

I never

    understood how people:

could let themselves

    get fat

until I lost my six-pack

and

just said fuck it

I never

    understood how people:

could throw their lives away

    for drugs

until I realized I had a problem

and

just said fuck it

I never

    understood how people:

could settle for ugly or stupid

    girl/boyfriends

until I realized I couldn't do any better

and

just said fuck it

I never

    understood how people:

could write such shit

until

cramps

rolled to the ceiling

my eyes locked up -- frozen

&

my head cramps up

it's hard to walk around

with so much bullshit

crammed in there

like

half-written poems

&

your birthday

it's a wonder

there's any room left

for anything else