Top 10 Legends of Stand-Up Comedy
![MITCH HEDBERG [1968-2005] Image](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2045/2207362687_bc2781cd1f_o.jpg)
"I was in a casino, I was standing by the door and a security guard came over and said 'You're gonna have to move. You're blocking the fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you are a table."
![WOODY ALLEN [1935- ] Image](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2221/2207362729_1b882a7012_o.jpg)
"I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."
![BILL HICKS [1961-94] Image](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2188/2207362815_65bc41860c_o.jpg)
"I was in Nashville, Tennesee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: 'Hey, whatcha readin' for?' Isn't that the weirdest fuckin' question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR? Well, godammit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well . . . hmmm . . . I dunno . . . I guess I read for a lot of reasons and the main one is so I don't end up being a fuckin' waffle waitress."
![CHRIS ROCK [1965- ] Image](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2091/2207362863_3b0e14d8e9_o.jpg)
"Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95."
![SAM KINISON [1953-92] Image](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2353/2207362957_a3ef6869a2_o.jpg)
"Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn’t scare the fuck out of everybody! He’s the only guy that ever crawled out of the grave where people didn’t go, ooohhh! I just saw some fucker crawl out of his grave! I don’t believe I’m seeing this shit! Did you see that? This guy just crawled out of his box through the earth! . . . Jesus comes back, he doesn’t get any pressure, no static. Nobody’s upset. He climbs out, he’s walking around, nobody’s upset. They can eat with him and everything . . ."
![EDDIE MURPHY [1961- ] Image](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2220/2208154746_871e464240_o.jpg)
"And this is the business to be in if you want some pussy. That's why I got in show bussiness, for pussy. I figured, if Jimmy Walker can fuck, I'm fucking everybody. And it's like that too. When you do TV shows, women would be throwing pussy at me on the street like frisbee."
![RODNEY DANGERFIELD [1921-2004] Image](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2185/2207363063_dfdc7cd3fb_o.jpg)
"During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel."
![LENNY BRUCE [1925-66] Image](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2218/2208154812_e32058308a_o.jpg)
"If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic schoolchildren would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses."
![GEORGE CARLIN [1937-2008] Image](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2106/2603992878_2015b30d93_o.jpg)
"Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man . . . living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of 10 specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money."
![RICHARD PRYOR [1940-2005] Image](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2185/2207363205_9f128ab2fa.jpg)
“I like makin' love myself . . . and I can make love for about three minutes. I do about three minutes of serious fuckin', then I need eight hours sleep . . . and a bowl of Wheaties!”
Top 10 George Carlin Quotes
Top 10 Mitch Hedberg Jokes
User Comments - Add a Comment
KA - 2008-01-22 10:39:54
Basically I agree with the list. Some order issues and I would take out Woody Allen and replace him Dave Chappelle.
Sandra Mendoza - 2008-01-22 10:54:19
What are you? 12? 42
You missed Tim Allen's MEN ARE PIGS, which hilariously displayed our gender differences.
Brett Butler who interpreted the South for Northerners and who showed the North what we looked like to a transplanted Southerner now married to a Brooklyn Jew.
I consider their heyday, the golden age of comedy where suddenly everyone was doing concept comedy.
sedum - 2008-01-23 10:39:40
could you have possibly gotten a more depraved picture of carlin?
Bill - 2008-01-24 18:25:32
I don't think Chapelle has reached "legend" status yet. He might someday, even though I don't find him funny in the least:) I'm pretty sure most of you are too young to remember Woody Allen's stand-up, as well.
IMO, good list.
Steve - 2008-01-27 15:26:49
Red Foxx should replace Sam Kinnison
Jpe The Pirate - 2008-01-28 00:02:33
Very good list, I'm not too sure Pryor should be number 1 but he definitely deserves a spot. I was very glad to see Mitch Hedberg on there as he is by far my favorite.
Mai - 2008-01-29 05:39:52
ummm BILL COSBY??? I used to listen to his albums over and over again and now my children do the same. He is the proof you can be clean and still hilarious. (anyone remember the Chicken Heart?)
MIKEFUGU - 2008-01-29 21:02:42
Lenny Bruce and George Carlin !!!!
the hell with religion and religious people!!!!
Matt - 2008-01-30 02:35:14
not a single british stand up on there, such a shame
ever heard of Billy Connolly? Bill Bailey? Jimmy Carr?
ok that last one was a bit too recent too be a "legend" lol
LaRoos - 2008-01-30 15:39:23
Mitch Hedberg is GOD... rip man... his thought process is SO out there... i relate to him the most
Footage - 2008-01-30 16:26:29
Yes, Billy Connely, "If you're going to shag a sheep, it's best to bring it to the edge of a cliff. It pushes back better."
Andy - 2008-01-31 09:03:05
Ummmm where is Robin Williams on this list? His stand-up was and still is legendary. Some of the best stuff I had ever seen!
Anonymous - 2008-02-01 16:51:47
Eddie Izzard not on the list?
pppcoop - 2008-02-02 14:08:17
dave chappelle should be on this
m-bartelt - 2008-02-03 02:28:10
Red Foxx isn't there? Neither is Steve Martin...
schumysbabe - 2008-02-03 12:29:27
yeah they are good but, billy connely could floor these guys 1 hand behind his back!
djmasey25 - 2008-02-03 15:49:35
Woody Allen sucks.
and for all those who want chappelle on the list that is terrible when tim allen isnt on it. hell i watched home improvement on nick at nite last night and jim bruer and dave chapelle were the guests on tool time. that was funny
damnit woody allen sucks!!!
Jk - 2008-02-03 16:25:29
Nice list. Good to see Mitch Hedberg on the list. The fact that it's missing Chapelle and Cosby is a little weird, but hey, you can't please everybody. And Carlin should be #1!
Anonymous - 2008-02-04 13:41:54
Yeah...for me Izzard's definitely the best...I can understand if he's not everyone's favourite, but at least he should be on the list
Matty - 2008-02-05 04:49:36
Sam Kinison! Excellent choice for the list!
cmoss - 2008-02-05 13:27:42
try Brian Reagan...hilarious!!!
egad - 2008-02-05 18:58:36
it's great to see mitch hedburg on the list. rip buddy
Nick - 2008-02-06 02:04:41
Chappelle is shit. He really is not that funny.
The only problem I have with the list is Dangerfield. He had the best one liners, but he is better to read than to watch. He never does an act, just jokes that do not link, making more then 5 minutes of him boring. a half hour is just the same thing said different ways. Robin Williams stand up is very good, and may deserve a spot.
The ventriloquist Jeff Dunham is also very talented, and can do both an act, or jokes on the spot.
Josh Bastard - 2008-02-06 02:41:04
You're list is almost correct, save for the fact that bill hicks was a lame ass second rate comedian. At least he did something amusing and died, hopefully painfully.
:::Vampire::: - 2008-02-06 12:49:38
Great list, I'd switch Carlin and Pryor, Move Hedberg up to at least 5, and replace Woody Allen with Carlos Mencia, but other than that youve got this...
good job
Beth - 2008-02-08 00:31:56
I like the list 100% doesn't it get annoying when people try to tell you how to put together your own Top Ten lists??
Gina - 2008-02-10 02:37:37
Robin Williams strand up is great, that should so be on the list. Along with Denis Leary! They're way funnier than Woody Allen and Eddie Murphy.
mat - 2008-02-13 02:48:49
chapelle is good on his TV show, but his standup leaves more then a little to be desired.
Cosby was good your right - but seriously, the only way he would be on the list is if you kicked Mitch and I would rather not do that. Richard deserves his #1 spot, he may not have been dead yet, but he is now RIP to Mitch and Rich
noize - 2008-02-14 03:39:04
yo, whutt bout that brit dude, eddie izzard, hez maaaaad!!!! should be here :) n murphy....the ultimate!!!
alex - 2008-02-16 08:36:09
Sorry, but Brigstocke is THE best. The religion sketch, the BT rant, all of them. He rocks.
ahall - 2008-02-23 01:12:22
steve martin???
Anonymous - 2008-02-23 20:43:30
Even though they were pretty funny, Sam Kinison and Woody Allen don't belong on this list. You need Jerry Seinfeld on there (if not for sheer talent, for what he did for stand up comedy) as well as Robin Williams. Dave Chappelle, despite being extremely funny, isn't quite as iconic as those two (yet).
Anonymous - 2008-02-29 05:10:29
REDD FOXX
Paul Moony
does Rowan Atkinson's live stuff count as stand up? if yes, definately should be added
Kayroh - 2008-03-01 03:05:31
Man... Richard Pryor = Win
SmartyPants - 2008-03-03 09:14:28
Brett Butler? Are you fucking kidding me? Bill Cosby? He couldn't be edgy if you shoved a sharpened pudding pop up his ass. Eddie Izzard has had some great material, and has laid an equal number of complete turds. He's a better actor than comic.
dave - 2008-03-03 11:16:27
seriously... this is the AUTHORS top ten comedians. I can think of a few other people, but everyone on this list is awesome. Good work.
Cate - 2008-03-06 01:33:55
Aw, man, you missed Eddie Izzard! But thanks for giving me some more comedians to check out! I have never heard of some of these guys.
Oleandress - 2008-03-06 14:21:40
Where the frick is Robin Williams?
Mustard - 2008-03-08 09:48:01
Retitle This - "Top 10 AMERICAN Legends of stand up Comedy" please.
John Patterson - 2008-03-13 07:42:11
I will kill the first fuck that even thinks that Dane Cook should even be allowed to read the Top 1000 comedians list.
I mostly agree with the list outside of the order...
Another comedian I loved was Emo Phillips.
Drew - 2008-03-13 10:38:16
Why so many Americans? Open your minds, folks.
Mark - 2008-03-13 11:00:21
Thank God nobody said DANE COOK.
I would have thrown up in my mouth a little bit to choke that one down.
Eric D. - 2008-03-14 20:03:31
can I just say.... great list. I stumbled on this, i first saw numbers 10-8 at a glance and immediately gave this list credit. very good the whole way through, and thats coming from somebody who LIVES for comedy. i've been to many shows, never got to see any of these legends (i was suppose to see Mitch a few weeks after he died) but I hope i've seen a few in the making.
ruben - 2008-03-19 12:22:42
robin williams is best over all of them!!!!!!!
L337ERTEETER2010 - 2008-03-20 21:55:52
OMG HAX!!!!!!!!!1 WARE IS CARLOS MANCIA?!?!??!!/! THIS LIST IS GAY !! UR ALL A BUNCHA DEE DEE DEEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous - 2008-04-06 18:31:23
"not a single british stand up on there, such a shame ever heard of Billy Connolly? Bill Bailey? Jimmy Carr? ok that last one was a bit too recent too be a "legend" lol"
who the hell are those guys.
Bob S. - 2008-04-27 22:06:49
No Saget? Insane. Take a peek:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otMYxplFrs0
itsalljustaride - 2008-05-07 08:03:06
I realize this is just YOUR list of top 10's, but for whoever said Chappelle shouldn't be on here because he isn't iconic, and yet Hedberg IS on here...yeah. Chappelle may not be "iconic" yet, but Hedberg certainly isn't. That and Hedberg was a one-trick-pony. Every joke of his was the same delivery, that semi-sarcastic stoner emphasis. I liked his jokes, but I can only take so much of his delivery and it gets old. Kind of like Bobcat Goldthwait.
asdf - 2008-05-14 03:37:10
No one like Ricky Gervais huh?
Anyways, I don't know why there's so much Mitch love, he's okay, but legendary? He has no showman ship, no way is he better than Robin Williams, and Williams didn't even scratch the list. Maybe I'm just not a sucker for corny one-liners.
robie_ran7 - 2008-06-12 13:29:31
Ok thats right we should totally name this The top 10 american legends its true. DONT EVEN THINK of putting Dane cook, CArlos Mencia, people just think about we have a mexican (not that i have any problems with them, i'm latin) talking like he is white, and all he does is" deed dee dee this, Beaners that f*cking tiring, all he does is diss arabs, mexicans, and retarded people.
as for the list I don't i would totally put there Chapelle, even tim allen makes me laugh like a little kid. LOL. seriously i would take off woody allen and dangerfield... and put in robin williams
ham - 2008-06-12 17:06:16
who ever put the stuff about Jeff Dunham up I agree he is funny the first time you see his special but by now his jokes have been seen and repeated probably about a billion and a half times so by now his current jokes have gone stale
dwindle - 2008-06-16 02:10:02
Carlos Mancia isn't funny. You know why? Because the word "beaner" isn't funny. When you take that out of his act, there's nothing left. The guys an amateur hack.
KesheR - 2008-06-25 11:05:32
Taking off Woody Allen??? Are you fucking serious??? Allen is one of the funniest and most clever guys of all times!!!
Gigl - 2008-06-29 16:06:46
Bill Hicks is the undisputed no.1 comedian of all times...I always wanted to do comedy beside my music...then I saw Bill Hicks...He's so good that he makes other comedians silly and their jokes cheap...he's not only a comedian, but a leader...and he offers not entertainment but enlightment...watching him is an experience and an eye-opening revelation...He sits there at the top and nobody comes near!
Willie Williams - 2008-08-12 12:22:51
Great list. All you guys have mentioned some really good comedians. Perhaps a top 50 is in order here.
Willie Williams - 2008-08-13 11:22:10
Bill Connolly, Jim Davidson, and Eddie Izzard would be up there if this were a worldwide list. I would like to give recognition to Doug Stanhope, Steven Wright and Patton Oswald for people reading the comments.
Martin - 2008-09-17 07:58:55
I agree to the list, but I mean we have forgotten Jim Carrey. He`s scetches are som of the best. And LMAO ererytime. That guy is funny.
talentedfool - 2008-12-11 17:01:06
All great comedians, one name am shocked I haven't seen crop up is tommy tiernan. I suppose like a couple of others mentioned he is a bit young to be a legend. But i havent seen anyone, even people i didnt expect to like his comedy, fall in fits of laughter at some part of his acts. And as far as Dane Cook not being in the top 1000 i agree that his earlier comedy wasn't particularly great but he has really come of age in the past couple of years hence filling madison square gardern, you dont do that if your not funny.
Mark - 2009-04-13 19:31:45
I think some people are getting confused here. The title is "Legends" as opposed to just a Top 10 of standups For that reason, people like Williams and Cosby should have been on the list. For a "un-legend" top 10, I'd include Lewis Black and Al Murray
Rick - 2009-04-17 19:01:55
Lol who the hell said Mencia? Are you freakin kiddin' me?
Dennis - 2009-04-29 21:41:40
Whoever said to replace Mencia with Allen really really really mad me angry. I'm gonna go take a walk.
Kosa - 2009-06-15 18:22:52
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzKHQX59Wso
Anonymous - 2009-06-28 11:47:25
Chappelle and Seinfeld had me laughing out loud but Connolly just didn't do it. It wasn't bad, just wasn't hilarious. But anyway notice how you can comment without extreme anger at a guys personal comedian preference.
Crohuir - 2009-08-12 12:55:58
This is a good list, but it should be called Top 10 AMERICAN Legends. I do like a lot of these comedians, but there are a lot of British and Irish comedians who I personally rate higher. I know it's a personal thing or whatever, but check out guys like Dara o Briain, Andrew Maxwell, Neil Delamere, Lee Evans, Al Murray, Tommy Tiernan, Des Bishop, Peter Kay, Bill Bailey (esp music lovers) , Billy Connelly, Danny Bhoy (his actual name!) , Dylan Moran... I could go on forever! Maybe a lot of the stuff is very cultural and doesn't cross over, as a lot of comedians do comment on their society and I think Europeans are a lot more aware of American culture because of MTV and the like so we can get American comedians more easily. Oh and I can't believe that any comedy list would leave out Demetri Martin, the guy's a genius!

Barry - 2008-01-22 09:52:38
Eddie Murphey is by fat the best, listening to his old-school stand up comedy can still make me hurt from laughing.